What makes you a badass caregiver? Is it your super-human strength to "get it done", your emotional endurance to get through crisis after crisis, or is it fearlessness in the face of an IEP team that just doesn't get it?
Chances are you developed those qualities and skills that serve you best in your caregiving life, over time. Every time a crisis came up, you worked your way through it for your child and yourself. Over and over again, those stressful experiences came up and you developed the skills to problem solve and cope with whatever life threw your way. You developed and grew because you had to in order for your child to survive and thrive.
I had to cultivate qualities of deep calm and presence during stressful and dangerous situations, which then allowed me to have compassion for both my son and myself.
Regardless of the fear, doubt or exhaustion I felt during my son's frequent verbal, physical and aggressive episodes, I had to learn to stay present and lend him my calm, regulated nervous system to help him better regulate himself. This type of caregiving was relentless and lasted nearly a decade before we were able to help him become more stable on his own.
While my son is now a thriving teenager, and I'm so grateful for the stability in our lives, it's been difficult to recover my own health.
Spending long periods of time in the caregiver trenches is not without its consequences. By the time my son was 8 years old, I was having heart palpitations and waves of uncontrollable anxiety landing me in the ER with panic attacks. I experienced episodes of depression where it was hard to drag myself out of bed, suffered through chronic sinus infections, cyclical episodes of gastritis, a diagnosis of pre-diabetes, weight gain that has been difficult to lose, and drastically low sex hormones for a woman my age.
I realize now, the type of constant stress I was experiencing and its aftermath of PTSD, can make healing difficult and slow.
With my son thriving and life becoming more stable, I have been able to direct steady attention and energy to healing myself. I leverage the qualities of deep calm, presence, and compassion I cultivated while caring for my son, to guide myself through some difficult-to-solve problems with my health.
While I'm still on the journey to regaining my vitality, I know I have the qualities I need to reach the next level. I've been developing them for years. While I didn't know it at the time, each of these hard-earned qualities is what I use daily as a self-healing warrior to now transform my own life.
Keep going, sweet badass mama caregiver! Rest when you need to, and then get back up and keep putting one foot in front of the other on your journey! There may be times when the stress is so acute and chronic that you may not feel the impact of your self-care at all. I promise you, it will make a difference! When your life shifts, when the crisis is over, or when your child becomes more stable, you will find the inner qualities you need to heal. You've been developing them every day while in the caregiving trenches, even without knowing you were! You have earned every one of them! They will carry you through and get you to the next level, just like they do for your child.
Big Love,
Jen
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